Deciphering an idea: Schizophrenia and why everyone has it.

Scenes.

Movie scenes.

You may see youtube sketches or skits of young individuals seeking to get into film making or even acting. Think of this as a memorex or what you retain in a memory; think about also in the case of what your subconcious retains as a memory.

The reason every moment creates how you feel and seeing how you feel entices with the moment unless you can tell every moment.

There is an illness that is not an illness as such this even is but that you feel the world is going on around you while you are sitting at home doing nothing and you get sad watching or knowing people having a good time even creating a good time in your head or trying to relive it.

The next few images if you can meditate on the idea of scenery, edits to mismatch and create a coherant story even a broken story to yourself or understand another individual it will be apparent that we are often not paying attention to our everyday life even if we are paying attention.

If you take 100 photos with a disposible camera,

out of 100 you may remember 4 or 5; but what exactly do you remember about it?

The table cloth? The dress? The people in it? The FEELING of the moment?

You're not looking at every detail. If somehow you could you would know everything about that moment you experienced but you only know... a skit of that moment.

This

is

and early example and well-put of schizophrenia.

You remember a moment of someone else walking by.

You remember standing there, maybe the air or what was in front of you, a girl or the water.

You remember a strange feeling as if you wanted to turn away in the same place and cry.

THIS shiftiness... this moment, this idea, this IDEAL of "at this moment, I could turn around and cry" There is so much that goes on in a single moment,

So if I am talking to you and getting my heartbroken, and i feel like I want to –

A) Run away B) Scream at you C) Has a nervous breakdown D) Cry

E) Try to work it out

F) Run into the water and be dramatic

I am going to feel terrible later when I find out I didn't handle the situation properly that is the truest way I would want too.

Because [I] I as a person have been in a movie my whole life where I have had to be someone else and now I don't know how I should react in these moments.

SO EVEN IF I knew the right answer... [i] I would not know if it were completely because every moment was determined by parents, or friends, taking your dog on walks, hobbies you picked up that you want to believe you would like if you could do anything but the reality is... it is an influence of the system BECAUSE, {i} would still not be happy which ever way I reacted not knowing ever who I was because I am so caught up on every moment that has happened in my life that made me into who I am.

Morals are one thing,

Knowing who you are is another,

–and thinking about things beyond you is something that I'd rather not even mention here.

In that moment of heartbreak In my heart in pieces I did all of those things.

I looked at that girl and saw marriage.

I looked at that girl and saw a family.

I looked at the moment in between and saw a good relationship

and then I look at the moment and realized the moment passed without me even trying to gain those moments.

I did see the skits of the moments.

I didn't see the movie or maybe I did in a way.

The main idea here is that,

Sometimes i feel it isn't me there.

I can be standing there and realize something else is starring through my eyes.

My responses are not the way I would WANT to respond in a world where it were perfect.

example:

You and i should totally go get some coffee some time! - Cute Girl

Oh, pfft! yeah, for sure; I know this great place! Maybe you can show me your favorite place to pick up a cup of joe as well. - Me (for some reason)

I'm going to randomly pull out of my hat... "a cup of joe"?

Because I am nervous I revert to what I am able to say not what I want to say and if I try to be cool about it then I look stupider in a different way like–

"Yeah, I've been meaning to get some coffee; I don't see why I wouldn't go with someone like you unless you gave me a reason."

Which then I look like an ass but I would wish I could respond better even to not make her feel like an ass either.

Skits. Skits.

I CANNOT be who I want to be BECAUSE we are obsessed with blending ourselves to ourselves to find if someone likes the person the system has created.

AND it is difficult at times to then be yourself and take the risk of being that person you want to be because blending in to the systematic verison of you is more simple than being the say, anime protagonist you want to behave as.

If someone doesn't like systematic you, it is because someone else created you

If someone doesn't like the you, you wanted to create; you have to take responsiblility for the fails yourself even if the systematic you is weighing you to be systematic and not walk around with your hands behind your head and eyes closed while letting the fresh air guide your feet.

Every moment... you feel a sense of anxiety on a date LETS SAY for this idea...

but you are not thinking of every moment of that moment

MEANING, you have anxiety, you are thinking;

"I hope I don't sweat, the waiter is on their way, man she looks pretty, my hands are starting to sweat, she looks really pretty, I should say something, oh no shes about to look at her phone."

You... you aren't thinking about the words inbetween

e v e r y l e t t e r y o u a r e saying to yo ur s e lf.

all you know is you have anxiety. [View this picture of the hands waving.]

Say she had anxiety, every motion would represent a skit. zeptosecond.

Think of the moments in-between, the unsung stories.

If you can see a moment you can notice you didn't see the last moment and even see that you may not notice the next moment.

Then, to what extent.

Did you taste the moment,

Did the moment fill you with the feeling of an aesthetic?

Did the moment make your heart beat?

Did something surprise you?

5 senses... even more

So how much qi did you have there.

To the vibration of every living and non-living thing in the area, what did you perceive as being one with you or separate from you but existing to influence your moment.

What is every line here to what the eyes reject or notice or the brain does not want to notice or even bothers the vision.

You may remember this image as it is simple, not because it flashes negative but because the orange and black tint stripe is a unique color that makes your eyes go, THIS is a moment.

Skits. This ancient painting often said frightening is an idea of humanity at its finest and worst; not even so but the idea of it being at its finest and worst. I see this man is a traitor, I see this man is a savior, I see this man is just a man... based on my perspective of what I have lived as a person and what I can say of that person.

There are many images that make sense and do not make sense. The truth is– you can look at anything and think of schizophrenia especially when only remembering certain parts of a movie or about school or what you study.

Here are some examples:

Other examples at least:

The moments you scream,

to the moments you settle down and get sad and move on.

What is that?

What is that moment?

Is it something else?

An emotion if energy or kinetic to potential is energetic (e)motion

Where is this energy from.

Why do you feel it so intensely?

What are the emotions I can't name between sad or mad or the next being a sort of uprising calm to melancholy or even acceptance when really;

I HAVE NO CHOICE but to be mad about it my whole life.

Healing... scar tissues... you do not. Decorating your scars and having them to understand what you have been through.

That is the best of a movie you can have through all these skits in life you remember that was not movie at all.

You remember the words of a song bit by bit, not the whole meal nor the whole bite sometimes.

Remember that.

Lastly, Sometimes it can feel like your words are not your own, like there is a script that you are and you are talking but every word was written by someone else and the meaning was solidified to that specific context yet reused for you to say thus no one understands you but to yourself, you speak clearly.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/058899_64a453305a4a4a70b0eb4de36169ca32/720p/mp4/file.mp4

Notice as much as you can.