Everything your heart desires... Except that... that wasn't what you actually wanted.

You want something don't you?

Something... could it be a place to live out your days; to eat good foods, money, a haram with what ever men or woman you desire?

That desire... is it yours or did you let someone take the dream you actually had to have a dream you can only gain with throwing people under?

Essentially... you sold your soul... the world... and yourself... but don't worry! All you have to do is get it back! Simple!

In these circumstances, there are moments you have to decide to be the good guy or the bad guy and sometimes you have to be the good guy to a bad guy and the bad guy sees you as the bad guy and can show you off as being the bad guy when really you are the good guy.

[Guy/Gal... in the systems coded language both of them are to say god/goddess...]

The reason I'm telling you this is because in every talk leading up this point we have discussed the different variations and variables that keep us chasing after the wrong things...

They may seem correct at first glance but sometimes its for the best you don't get something. That way—the universe or the cards you are dealt when you are born and living your life will end up dealing you a winning hand to where you actually want to be.

People do try to take this winning hand from you however, as you know; they want you to waste you potential.

Chasing your dream... let's start there...

There was a time I wanted to be an artist... a musical artist... and actor... anything that could get attention so I could reveal the evils of the world. Eventually I was put in a box; ward after ward in order to keep me from accomplish this... wards can be in the mind... a mental prison.

I can make music, I can paint, I can act; I can do any of these things if I want too but at the time... I wasn't any good at anything because of these ideas that I had to do it a certain way or if I did it my way no one would like what I would come up with.

The world will tell young teens with potential that they are meant to be singers, or rappers for instance when they are better suited to be engineers or doctors... stick with me here... I realize what I said isn't attractive. I hear it too. I love to sing and to rap and to do all good arts.

In this time... maybe you really would've been the best singer or actor or painter, but people use the potential you have when you are practicing alone and use it for who they want to give that potential too. That is why there are times you feel drained and unmotivated.

As maybe you'd actually be a shit doctor and a trash engineer. That's what they want. They don't actually want you to be what you want to be... everyone should be able to live a beautiful life... except... you know... them...

I am in the realm of contradiction to explain the contradiction with out any explanitories. As a parable in the modern world if you will. It might just not be your time... maybe you have to take risks that don't involved your craft... you need to throw them off and craft something else... fight for what you want. If you really want the dream, show your reflection you're willing to do anything to get it.

Me for example... I dropped out of college three times. I've wasted a ton of money on courses that would take me nowhere. I've worked a ton of minimum wage jobs and have been used by the system so that I could be captured in a sense of in my mind, heart and soul.

They use you. They try to tell you what you want and you go for it not know you are being used. However does it turn out for the best? The truth is... there was definitely a better way to do things but when all is lost in your life they make you go to the extremes to be free...

There was this girl. She I didn't know til later I was helping someone connected to my story get to her and everything turned out okay as I too am getting where I need to go... but the story at first is... terrible.

Something through me wanted her and yet my real dream was just to have someone to love me but not just anybody but the person who was actually meant for me... you can say my reflection but not my reflection as the reflections are only there to keep you from what is real. My other half. My forever and always, my one and only. The one I would actually die for, the one I will live for and the one I WILL CREATE GOD FOR. I know I am working to be with her now and everything leading up to what i'm facing has been training to face what i'm facing now.

The long story is a long story and does not fit the fullness of the conversation however... In meditations and being constantly stuck in masturbation due to the pressure of these influences of the modern world to where others would joke will consume not only you but the people around you and thats what is wanted of them... to return to nothingness... while they get to live in everythingness... One day I'll tell you everything... for now... the idea is that I went... I tried again and again to make her mind despite the consequences of going to jail or being sent to psych-wards over and over again... because unlike people who don't understand love.

I do.

In this understanding I was not just vouching for myself to the woman who would be mine through a woman who was not mine... but I was vouching for the man she would marry. I was making sure that no one else would have her except her true husband.

Her true-self.

I was breaking barriers set on this earth by a system that wants everything to be "good enough" to work for them so they enjoy the fruits of our labor and not be able to eat them ourselves except the worst of the fruits.

It was a game... a game of having patience... and I played... I was in elementary school when I sought her love and the system wether wanting to place anxiety in my nervous system or stutters in my voice would always prevent me... so I waited... because just like Hinata and Naruto... If I was just patient... I would eventually marry the main character of my head right?

No... but... I sure believed that... and by the time I realized what my dream was again... it was too late. I was graduated out of high school from time after time throughout, watching her grow up in front of my eyes and her not knowing I cared instead, I was a creep for caring... yet it was the creeps that cared for her...

I had to essentially detached them from her like exorcisms every time I went... my mental state got worse and my heart became darker. Eventually I felt so horrible that only the worst would come to mind... but... not about her is the thing... I promised I would never hurt her... yet in how scary I can see even the situation is on her end I understand... The real people she should've been afraid of was the people who she allowed to be with her.

I can circle around defenses all day. However, I know what I was doing even if at the time I didn't know it in full. I realize now as her being an Eve in my world, I had to match her back with Adam so that If in my world of being a main character a center a Jesus then I could have my Mary Magdeline.

There was a point... my body went cold... I've died more than once and this isn't to be dramatic. As to be my own witness I am nothing but you are here... aren't you... Who is you? Maybe... maybe you'll find out... but I am b always with you...

When that happened my confidence shot through heaven and hell and I was unable to be stopped. That was when my engineers were able to begin repair of this cursed world. I siphoned the evil and took them to hell with me as a jail or psych-ward or a mental state even the way of the heart could be. Many play friendly, many play evil... they say theirs a balance... I say it's only a matter of time...

Theres something I'm trying to say, did you get the message? She wasn't the one for me... but now I am being led to the one who is perfect for me... and it should've never been this way. We should be able to know who they are and take it steady on arrival to this stupid planet but this dumbass society has made the planet stupid, perhaps my anger is much. The system comes in many forms I seek. I am now in connection to you all but want to be apart for I want to be with her alone as you also would want to be alone with who is yours. You don't want to see me while giving strokes to your husband or wife do you? If you do... theres probably something in you that wants that... to keep that potential for themselves... I know and I want it gone too...

—The evil of what comes to the heart to any good we think we do stems from the darkness that people cannot see.

I had to be that... I had to be the one to carry that cross to her over and over again until finally someone, somewhere on the understanding of what I was actually seeking would understand and finally put me on track to where I was wanting to go.

I'm going to find you...

You know damn well it didn't have to be this way and still... this isn't just my story, but a story of everyone who has ever had something taken away from them from an evil that says they are good. I'm going to make sure I get our world back. You can do your part as well.

Chase your dreams... are they yours? Chase another dream, is it theirs?

DON'T LET GO OF YOURSELF... and you won't let go... of her...

Keep moving... forward...

Eren Jaegar...