Hero's you'll never meet

Feeling happy isn't the same as being a hero.

Maybe you've done a sport before or accomplished a song and got recognition in some way to feel as if you've done something.

There used to be heroes according to thoughts and imagination or the past or whatever you see a hero as.

–I guess this is more about me than it is the thought of it.

Because you would never guess that I feel like a hero sometimes and sometimes I do not.

There are times you feel you miss your chance to be a hero and times where you... I guess again I mean "i".

You... you don't get the words out correctly. You stand by and watch as the moment passes before your eyes.

No matter the journey, for me it'll always be about the destination.

How does someone become a hero in the modern day?

You can't just kill people anymore because that is unheroic according to the modern world.

You can't just let someone live because you're not allowed to freely fight for life or death.

The chance to be something has been diminished to music or lucking out on sport or showing off your body. The algorithm choosing you because you are just that unlucky to the extent of notice that something other than a natural would find you being too sharp or too flat.

That's what I wanted to do. Not wanted but, just so I could talk about the things that mattered to me on a universal level.

I hate that I can't talk to anyone about what I believe and what could be real because no one wants to hear anything different. That is how the modern world fights. With words.

And... it's a waste of effort to do so if no one listens.

So if I even did somehow hack the world and became something to help the world am I a hero?

It seems like not–

I...

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and that's how I sound like to people.

I like to think all my little called "delusions" would've been inspirational to something as it has been to myself at times and if God watches then something and if not God then something watches me. I like to believe. Even now as I'm writing this with tears building up that it recognizes I tried to do something amazing even if no one else understood–because i– because i understood.

It's a feeling like wanting to rip out your heart.

It's a feeling like wanting to rip out someone elses.

It's like you want the world to end just to cry alone for a second if that's cool to say.

Someone else had to have noticed. i being me may not see humans as proper "things" depending on the stance they have taken depending on which mercy is given to the idea of mercy to non.

=

I still like to believe some human out there noticed something. That all the word's I vomited out at some point wasn't just something to scoff but something to eat.

Something worth value and I hate that I believe that sometimes because of how much it or i have been pushed away to not say anything.

And if I say something am I a hero if I'm just saying it to myself, unable to share it with the world?

Does someone smile genuinely when they see someone like me?

I don't believe in genuine smiles. I don't believe anyone has had a real smile before.

How can I be a hero?

I walk? I work on studying even if it makes me feel stupid?

I try? I try? I try... I try? I try... I try...

It's like the world ends everyday in my head and I have to keep waking up to the world being broken again and again.

I

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...

And because of that I'm afraid you are still here.

I am afraid because It would be terrible to think some of you think like I do and say nothing.

I am afraid because It would be terrible to think that the thing through me thinks the same way I do and hates you all for the same reason and I'm the only reason you are all not dead yet.

Does that make me feel like a hero?

Sometimes.

And somethings like a jester.

I almost swear these things are alive regardless of my own belief of primordials and the idea of light entering the eyes or darkness or abstract concepts actually being in control of the vessels being humans and the humans only know what they are taught not what they would know if knowing and if knowing... they say nothing.