Snow white or big breasted korean girl?

We think of heaven, man or woman and what it would be like.

We think of heaven as hell at times like standing around or earth as heaven or hell.

I have a complaint, an understanding, an answer... but not one that is clear if you cannot accept your heaven and hell being taken away broken, built up, taken, built up, broken, given... etc to the point you finally reach exactly what you've been seeking.

You think about it on earthly level and–I do so apologize I am speaking on the perspective of a man but the women also like clean things and dirty things, let us not be uncivilized as I myself can be at times towards whoever and whatsoever even myself.

Make a decision right now.

RIGHT NOW!

RIGHT NOW!

I'm kidding...

SNOW WHITE...

or...

BIG BREASTED KOREAN GIRL!

You probably opt'd out or picked the ideal idea of a life you would image or want to live.

You can think here.

I used to want to live a perfect life with a wife and kids and house and more nice things.

I thought to when I was a kid and wanted all the pretty girls at my school.

I thought to now when I feel at times I am unlovable.

and I think of many other situations that maybe someone out there would love me the way I would want as a single person versus two or three people maybe fifty people loving me.

I no longer know what I want.

I have the perspective of losing due to a long story I won't go into about a couple girls I followed as if watching from a far would and waiting patiently would eventually have them see me as I loved them, because I did.

In a lot of ways I still do.

[I'm sorry if in the future however this ends or new beginnings wether good or bad that I can be sour. I understand but I don't want too sometimes, but I do.]

I sometimes say I'd rather see everything return to nothingness or void or even have every pretty thing I want to erase everything I don't like because that is how much I am hurt... yet my hurt has evolved to be numb... but because you are numb doesn't mean you are not hurt.

I like to be jaded.

I like to walk around believing I have no reflection because the thought of me having someone walking this earth that loves me that has been hurt like I have is too much for me to bare.

Jesus carried a cross.

This would kill me before I could carry my cross to the end.

I no longer want one woman nor do I want a many women because either way it is a shock to my heart.

I get one woman because I was so heart broken that I was blessed with the perfect woman or

I get many women because of the same reason?

Either way, I'll feel like a loser... so what do I do?

If heaven existed what would I get?

We talk about wanting things and people say we shouldn't.

There is a need.

There is a need to be who you want to be.

Everyday we let ourselves and others perspectives take that away from us because we don't want to be another sad story to success story or even an overly successful story.

Suffering from success as they say.

How do I win?

I hate my answer because I feel I can't accept my own want for a heaven that can also be my hell. In that form... I can be as kinky or not kinky as I want and she or he or they would understand.

I hate to go on a tangent but they would understand everything. My heart, my brain, my soul.

They would understand my suffering, rags to riches, riches to rags, heaven and hell as one to maintain a home.

I can't decide myself.

I am letting... myself decide... whatever you call the highest and lowest thing.

Another tangent–I can only imagine a little girl spawning out of the ether and treating her like a perfect princess, nothing weird nothing of sex or mess; but to treat her like a daughter.

That is because, THAT; that, I can do. I know I can do that correctly.

I would love to see a life where I meet the perfect woman.

I would love to see a life where I see and have many perfect woman in one life.

We see life as this life.

You either have the perfect woman, or you have many women that are perfect.

Do you take the route of living a life with one women, have kids and everything that comes with?

Do you take the route of living with many women and making it all work like that?

Either way... you have one life here to say...

I like to think my hell if I go or heaven if so, it would be because I tried. I did my best and even if I just lived, damnit; in a lot of ways I did try.

Can I go to hell and enjoy sex?

Can you enjoy sex in heaven?

Can I go to hell and hate those who have hated me for no reason?

Can I go to heaven and cry?

I don't want to go if I'm not allowed to cry!

Can I have both? Somehow..?

I believe... I believe in something.

It's that belief you can think up that is link to the fullness of what the lowest and highest thing is.

It balances out...

God is what they call it. Universe? Nature? The stars... myself?

I do not only want to... [now this is going to sound extreme] watch people burn, I want to burn myself. Only if it's sexy. Yet I would love to see someone burn while it is not sexy for them. I would also not like to see someone else burn sexy if it is with their partners or partner. I want... something difficult to express but easy for my heart to say... I like this idea.

The classic talk of good and evil

I am not speaking here

I want good and evil.

The tangent of three, to where we are now on topic to once upon a time...

I do not know if I am taking what approach.

I seek to be nice to everyone, do I like everyone... no.

Am I nice to everyone? No...

I don't like to be because I do not feel understood.

That is why many of us do what we do and have become what we have become.

We want to be understood... by ourselves...

WHAT IS YOUR HAVEN? What is you Hel? Does the cold make you feel warm inside?

Please just believe in something.

I don't care if its the most far off thing to exist.

It'll work even if we have to solve for every equation that doesn't exist.

I get excited about feeling nothing and being able to care about beautiful women, I really do.

I think Bingus is cute too.

...still

I am distant from the "things" I call things because I love them and I know they know I mean it dearingly because I want to help people find where they would be happiest in the life upcoming, the next moment.

Before I go, you should know; I am talking as the perspective where I do not exist and something exists through me to tell you to allow yourself to tell yourself about your own perspective.

So what are you picking?

If you had too?

On this earth?

No heaven, no hell... with what you could make up with the wildest thought or unacceptable thing you could think of that GOD being good and evil would understand and say...

"Yeah, I get'cha... I BELIEVE, I know exactly what you're looking for!"

After you figure that out... journey.

I'll back you up on whatever wild thing you say...

So tell me... on this earth... have it be fixed so that everyone got one or the other in this blog type... [Yes, you may pick neither or loop] However, to assist me and any newcomers...

Are you picking Snow White or Big Breasted Korean Girl?