Today, I did something.

In bed I was talking to what I believe is the people who care about me, which are not people at all but what I claim as my people... then the government separated us and I was sent to work.

I got up 5 minutes before I wanted too and made eggs using oil from a feta-cheese and olive mix (apparently a bad idea because the oil is different consistency to stick on the pan... whoops).

I ended around aimlessly because I missed the turn to waffle-house.

There are small interactions everyday that make us feel good and bad in every moment.

I ended up not eating there because I was not wanting to eat more than the eggs I ate at home (the house I stay at, [not home]) or maybe its because I smoked a cigarette before, maybe because I bought a pack and didn't want to, perhaps I just didn't want to spend money on tipping. Maybe it was all of those things together. I sure wasn't going to I-hop this day however when I wanted buttery-ass grits. I-hop only has buttery grits.

I like to think these things happen for a reason, everyone does and even me writing this like everyone does, it doesn't calm you down does it?

You like to believe something else or exactly that but it doesn't work out for you?

Same.

As much as I can't prove it to you. Same.

I ended up going to church contemplating it because I feel I get spiritually robbed or auto–insulted when going to wherever I go, sometimes however, it feels like I'm the one giving everyone orders and I'm there literally just to change the influence of understanding with my essense.

Even that, I don't want to do it on a small level. I want people to know something.

I don't need to talk about it in case of god but I have many ways of saying the same thing that regardless of what you believe is linked to the start. Whatever you believe that is.

THIS isn't about that though.

Afterwards I went to a place called crossroads and it was an area to eat a king's poutine which is just a fancy way of saying french fries with gravy... or maybe just french fries.

I HAVE A POINT TO ALL THIS–

I learned a lot today because I went out and did nothing. I did nothing today and I learned something because in the nothingness I was seeking myself but not in others, in the understanding I have for the atmosphere I live.

Do something...

That is what I am saying. You'll find something.

I got to teach myself or my cells or my past or my angels or demons or help "myself" to understand why talking to people is awkward or what makes it awkward. The moments that pass in the time you think a moment is perfect enough to engage in conversation... how long can you wait?

I saw a girl looking at records and the only reason I spoke is because I felt, the angels with me needed to learn about the increments of how hard it is to talk to someone; even much more to what I could say that I do not because I would be writing a whole book on one moment.

A grungy scene of music search and two people who look similar in style.

A notice, no exit.

The notice had no conversation, but everything else spoke, and that was cool. I'm glad I could help.

Yet there I was to not say much because I am already done.

I do not wish to be the heartbroken person that finds someone they care for even if it's the perfect person because that is how life is.

It's bad.

I really do not and the more I say it the more they think I want someone when really it would be nice for this world to disintegrate into an ether.

You don't know my story but I hope for it.

I am myself just doing my best for the time I somehow sprout wings or can cause error so great that everyone else is forced to sprout wings.

I refuse to love someone because the world tells me too and thats how you guys think too.

Now I am just ranting. Trap, trap, trap is all they think and now I'm being negative and ugly.

Ugly like how you smell, teenager.

I played my zither outside of another church near the record store and thought to myself about the aesthetic moment I just had though I can't say the fullest of it. It's a zither to me even though others call it an autoharp. They're name is wisp!

I ended up buying a Starbucks coffee from 7-11 and come back to the room I'm typing this in to try and capture magic, or lightning, or something else that doesn't exist in a bottle. The sense of what I could say, happened today while doing my best to tell you what I want you to know.

There are moments.

Moments you can miss and meet to be able to talk to people or just live in doing an art.

EVEN NOW I WANT TO YELL BECAUSE NO ONE IS LISTENING AND JUST FOCUSED ON HOW CHEESY I'M TYPING WHEN REALLY, I'M SAYING NO ONE IS NOTICING SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

AMBIANCE.

FOCUS.

I notice. I'n playing my zither;

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/058899_7422719041d34241b083f2219b406283/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

You can hear it. Are you listening to the zither or are you listening to it?

See ya, I gotta go get jerked off by the things in church now that believe so hard they're not screwing people over by being "good" people."

Thanks for learning about the stars and science.

You're not helping by only walking with Jesus.

Can you please learn a craft or something?

P.s – I also walk with God.

P.s.s º How do you walk with God and not learn about the stars and science?

P.s.s.ª Now I'm super ranting.

Not to annoy but because I am annoyed I feel like I and my team are fixing everything and everyone else is just breaking it every-time because they can't deal with themselves.

I care much for the people but if the people would calm down, then the people would be cared for the way they would instead of having to choke on water because they decided to drink too fast, yell at someone on my team or etc to etc.

Sigh

This post was supposed to be about learning how to enjoy aesthetics, the ambience in existence of how you can be the way you want, translantisism and anime behaviors.

Today I did something.

Tomorrow I'll do something.

A week from now, I hope to have something to feel accomplished for.

Right now, I'll do nothing and in a bit maybe something else that makes me feel I can do something incredible with my life. It doesn't hurt to draw some sketchy lines on a paper and say it's the beginning of learning how to draw.

(:

Thanks for caring.

{{{{{Maybe some post are too look back on to rewrite or learn from later , either way this is mad.}}}}