You're not allowed to say you want to kill yourself.

You're allowed to say "kill yourself" in a song but not online and not in person..

You're also allowed to say you "want to kill yourself" but not online or in person..

You can't say it because as soon as you do, you're in trouble.

You have yourself and that's all you've ever had.

I could end it there.

Suddenly, you're being watched.

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I don't know what has a person to want to keep going.

Conclusion, your own conclusion, whatever the other thing is... conclusion?

I say "someone" a lot.

– More than I should.

It's nice to think someone out there would understand.

"It's nice to think–" I like to say things that sound like if someone else said them, it would come off sounding soft to my ears.

and to what I failed to mention in trying to write another thought I associate with; to have no originality and somehow find friends that way?

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I do like to believe there are people who would stand by my side even from the beginning and all the mess ups I've messed up.

It feels like no one actually does, we can say we are there and be there sometimes but it still doesn't feel like it if you yourself do not feel you have someone.

It doesn't matter to feel you have someone if you yourself do not feel you have someone.

someone

something

somehow

somewhere

SOMETIMES!

It's never actually that I even want to die, I just want to not exist. I wish I didn't exist; that's a much more advanced problem hiding inside the problem that people think is so simple to just hearing someone say they want to die... because they're saying something else.

Everyone who has ever said that probably meant something else every time until someone meant it.

If they mean it then why don't they just, happy it!? :D...

Okay, so... this is upsetting..

Even here where I am trying to tell you myself that I am dealing with something beyond wanting to die and I feel even in explaining to myself that my efforts are going to nothingness–because I consider nothingness something?

...to have something instantly kill me, and; somehow not living those last 10 minutes they say the brain lives on and dreams. Your muscles twitching and blood realizing it is metal.

Killing yourself sounds scary if you can't just auto-kill yourself.

If people knew the stories of those who killed themselves or killed someone in the depth that they would need to tell the story to shed a tear themselves or have you not to be angry and understand or for you to be angry enough to actually want to kill them and not just say it–would someone know something that would make them want to be better?

Name any celebrity or whoever you didn't know or new articles, something that happened; it's not always a crime, sometimes it's a perspective or morality within self.

If I could talk to that person now–

If I knew what they were going through–

If this person existed, what would they say before it didn't.

It'll say a superstar just died on TV or the internet and you see everyone who was their friends or family talking about how they don't know how it happened or how cool a person they were.

You just can't believe it because you wanted to hear more.

Sometimes we die inside.

Whatever that means to you.

I don't like the thought of being something.

I also do but if you have someone before do they love you there and I go on the offensive here, my next point being the .5 of the upward previous and my forward confused itself in telling about a way it knew when I just wanted to know how to survive? Live? Exist? It's another word...

I still can't tell you the problem because everyone wants to solve it themselves and thats how I wanted to be too.

It's nonsense like this I write when I want someone to talk too.

I can talk to the self, or voices, or gods, or God or Devil that loves or hates me or even that is myself or these whatever's all I want.

I would like to find a human, more than 1, that I could talk too, not as a friend but as a normal person and not have to feel embarrassed all the time or have to feel regret for sharing my story or what I feel was unfair about what my life was or could've became or how I'm afraid that it sticks with me even if I change.

I want it all out of my body.

I know you can hear it. I didn't say I wanted to die anywhere here, nor did I say I wanted to live.

You know how you see on television shows and bar-tenders are there to listen to your problems, or there is a piano man singing songs to help make the night or play the song you want?

We're all too embarrassed to talk or request songs now.

I would like to go to the library and ask the girl I was interested in from a distance then not at all once I started talking to her and noticed her eyes are too close or far apart for me to feel I can be with her forever.

I'm too afraid to talk to women though.

I'm also too innerly prideful to want to talk to a man.

If I HAVE too, I'll talk to whoever but if not I think I would rather die and risk living my last 5 minutes than to spend 4 minutes of energy in 1 broken shout to see if someone else will help me, because I would rather die than trust for someone to save me and then end up not saving me.

jj You want to live because you already exist and if you live you want to be alive because you already exist so don't make me go back to not existing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvkbHIrrrvU&rco=1