As if learning something mattered

As if learning something mattered.

As if learning guitar or dancing or something people consider valuable mattered...

What is beautiful is accomplishing the story.

The ignorance of what a fool could be. A man. To run in without thought. To want to win but defend what it loves without the full thought of what he loves... and still,

willing to die for it–because somehow

I know I love something.

I would rather run in blind into a fire.

I would rather choke on lightning in the coldest water.

I would rather eat dirt. Forever.

I want to matter.

Everyone wants to matter.

I just want to feel like I matter more at least even if it's just to me.

That's how much I want to matter.

I want...

and even if I shouldn't I want.

Please give me something. Many things. I don't want... I don't want to be alone.

I also don't want to be alone with people I hate.

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What I'm saying... is... I would rather suffer the extend off suffering of every human and god and God and Devil combined than to allow the things that hurt me to live.

And somehow I still forgive you... because I forgive myself–because I never will...

There has to be something worse than being crucified...