I wanted someone(s) to love me before the money.

You want to be a doctor,

Engineer?

Whatever it is, you want someone to love you before it all?

It's nice that GOD loves even, but I mean a person in flesh to actually believe that someone can hear me out on a level I am insignificant to talk about my problems instead of hearing me just because my repor could be impressive.

I like the idea that someone could love me in an official philotes manner even seeing me as a potential care for them, someone that you'd say;

"Oh, they don't have anything but their heart is beautiful."

Ugly, I am ugly but damn, isn't it nice to think that someone out there could love a monster or someone labeled as the devil, even say;

"I understand, life is hard; situations are complicated, if you're growing you're showing!"

No though. I have to wait until I can't trust anyone because everyone is already untrustable.

I hope that if you are of youth, you do not take the same EXACT stance as me, and can find trust in something or someone as I, GOD.

I wanted someone to share my whole life with and now that time will represent an impossibility due to my now belief of not wanting and wanting more and wanting less and not wanting at all, wanting everything and overall, I might as well not have anything because I am bummed out of the situation this world has placed me in and WHY could something in my path that I could trust forever and ever be sent so that I could say;

"Hey, this is what I've been through."

I can trust you, you can trust me; and overall, lets just be real.

Not as unreal as you think, because real is unreal sometimes.

I hope when as I hate to say when so I often say if something happens where I am grandeur enough to reach a stasis to rend,

I do hope you'll believe even if I can be a little all over the place, or too calm, or too cryful...

Because I care too.

As much as I'm going to stand there and tell all of you, I hate you.

I care about existence.

I wish for you to exist.

I hate you.

Please know, I don't hate you.

Please know, that doesn't mean I want to talk to you.

Please know, this world has hurt me and I do not want to talk to people... please know, I wanted to say something else... but;

I never get the words I want out of my mouth yet in poetry...

I can say "I love you."