I would like to think they would choose me even if ugly or not God.

In my head even my imaginary girlfriend wouldn't pick me if I were not some sort of god or– ugly.

I mean this in a million ways.

I'm not handsome and I'm not sure what people see me as but I know I don't have anyone.

If I were God or was God or wasn't God but thought for a moment or thought all my life to figure out I was but it got taken away from me or what scenerio of not being God but still thinking about it that if I were God and lost everything, would I still love myself or love that God as I would hope it would love me but perhaps a bit deeper in theeor than I wanted to go.

A person, could a person love God if God kept coming into your life as all the things you hated or made you sad; I multiplied on accident and caused division. I meant to say If God was ugly would I love God?

If God were ugly on the inside but beautiful on the outside?

The opposite?

I think we would all reject it.

That is how we are.

We reject what we don't like... if that is human.

That is how we are.

At least the understanding.

I've seen it and you know the story as well.

Once someone doesn't have money, no one loves them.

Once someone something, something else.

I'm complaining a lot today.

It's nice to think if before you become something you would have something and if you become something and have nothing then you became something just to have nothing.

Ouch, the orange might as well be blue and blush exclusive to a single color.

[Thh]

I am ugly.

Some people do not think so.

I think some people are ugly.

Inside or out.

Some people think the same about me.

Would my soulmate choose me again if in this life I was short, ugly, stupid or whatever.

Because if I couldn't walk or had some disease, they would not.

If 100% they knew and didn't randomly blow you off, "randomly" then are they choosing each other, no trick of someone of immortalizing influence of GODDESS but are they some how able to be happy anyway when one is ugly and the other is not?

Short means ugly to some people.

Blonde hair means ugly to some people.

Attitude can be subjective to the person.

Short hair is ugly to some people.

The more noticeable things–to say about what to an individual would make an individual ugly.

To the self and to others, in whatever way it needs to be put for reading individual to know typing individual is sawing as if your own perspective and not someone else's is important there.

Basically,

I found out no one would choose me.

That's basically the story.

I have piercings now.

Now I'm afraid to want something

I also hate that other people get stuff.

I'm ugly but damn, I think if whoever saw me as ugly even myself if I was a girl looking for me but then found out I was ugly and didn't want me anymore would know who I am, my heart or how stupid I am with my brain that I would just go and die in battle if they commanded me too.

Then cheat on me and live the life they wanted but you know...

Do you think it could've seen me and said "this thing's heart is iron instead of gold..."

What if the iron was better than gold?

I have to be tall

or look a certain way, and why I don't want to workout because I shouldn't have to look a certain way for people to love me.

Of course, that also would be a form of losing the money.

I like exercise... kinda... but I should still be able to do it but now I feel alone and there is like 3 forms of money I lost in talking in this sentence in particular.

I lied, I hate exercise. I like being active.

I'm not allowed to be honest about it.

I can do it, I just sometimes do not want too because there has been no one around to love me for me being me, but not the me I know. THE LOSER ME. The one that no pretty girl wanted to be with because there always seemed to be something wrong with me and I knew there was something wrong with me–and I live everyday knowing there is nothing wrong with me.

I am just ugly because I can't let go of the ugliness I felt was done against me and the fact I was born makes me ugly, and the genes in my body make me ugly. Everything I am except the person I wanted to be is beautiful.

Now because I don't even think I could be that anymore–I am ugly.

It is still pretty to think about.

I hope you find someone that doesn't make you feel ugly and I hope it's more than just a spirit unless somehow that makes you happy.

That makes me feel alone sometimes and I know it makes yourself feel alone.

I am alone.

and i amb never alone... :/

There's somewhere better and for what we are its only better because someone see's our unique beauty but then there is my problem that I don't know how to carry on when no one is interested in what I'm saying to I have to type more things, then I ignore the first thing someone said, then someone says please stop, the water pipes make a noise and I have to reiterate on the first budge because I get that bummed out that

I found out–no one was going to pick me.

It was going to be a life of just moving girl to girl in the way of I hope one of these girls loves me. Their both probably going to be married soon and I might run into girl #3 and make the same mistakes or not if I'm really that fucking dumb–because I am, thats not always a bad thing but I don't...

Look, look; I just said "look!"

At this point, I'd rather accept no one actually likes me and wouldn't pick me.

Schizo,

Bi-polar,

Bad teeth,

crooked face–every part of my face is crooked, my ears, my mouth, my smile is on pretty well but thats because I don't know how to frown because every one of my frowns were a frown of God.

I am short.

My leg feels broken in a reverse slant because of skateboarding.

My ankle and wrist feel done for.

I'm getting older. I never run into someone my age.

I just recently have an outfit or two that I like wearing. Not even because I like to wear it but because it reminds me that I have a soft hate in everything I wear of a story I HATE.

There is so much "wrong" with me or I use quotations because I make sense to myself... so

There is so much wrong with me that to everyone else, every person I would actually want to perhaps be with now because I already played the roll of it could be 1 person, it could be someone ugly, it could be someone beautiful that lives somewhere else, it could be person 2, it could be someone... pretty?

They wouldn't want me–and I don't want to be someone's success story of how a loser fell in love, broke completely, got back his emotions and lived a good life.

I have an auto on me that I am ugly because I was molested, because my school records show that I was always angry, because family records show I was always sad–because everyone who has ever talked to me never asked me anything of importance to me. It was always something lesser that interested me nothing and caused me to think a lot of them then nothing at all about them.

I am ugly because I didn't care for my feet,

I am ugly because I didn't brush my teeth.

I am ugly because my attitude stinks.

I'm ugly because I don't know if the skin discoloration on my penis is a birthmark or came with the mole, so either way the embarrassment of showing this to girls keeps me in the motion of being too embarrassed to talk to one.

Basicallyx2

It's not even the insecurity that has woman not to magnetically walk my direction to what I would want. I have the auto-frequency of my body shining to warn them almost like I have std's that I have something that is just THAT unappealing that very pretty girls should stay away from and it sucks really badly.

So I can only talk to ugly girls.

The universe has already deemed me unfair.

The only reason I no longer accept a soulmate could be anyone and so forth to whatever else I was going to write here _.

============================================

ALSO that, If I missed out on one or both, I don't want to say I lost.

What could I have possibly have done that I enter this world I am damned from the start to gain angst through my rape or labeled broken of existing to be set down the path of non-repair and if repairing all that put me on this path takes credit as if it was the best or only way to repair.

If I run into the next girl, what then? I light? This is messed up, what the hell was any of that?

I'm just going to say I have no reflection, no equal, I am going to say there is no soulmate because even if there was it probably got raped like I did and that too is too painful for me.

Especially because I thought I saved the other two and did help get them married but damn I wasn't even a choice, I saved them from other things too just being molested but am I a hero for being molested? I don't think so and when I share my story to no one, It feels great...

I'm adding and adding to no substance to little but for myself.

It's nice to think, it's nice to think and one more please.

I don't want to be famous and explain my story. I want us all to die and for you to hear my stories once this is over and hope you do not make it anywhere heaven could exist and definitely not a hell to enjoy; this is not for particulars, this is more just to say, I don't care.

I care enough. [And I could still keep typing because I would like to be mad but I like to always defend the idea that humans or if they think they are gods or whatever a vase is even worthless could feel enough to know I actually care and they do not {and yet my ranting has less salt, more tear, I hope you all drown.}]

============================================

That's my card.

I played that.

Because I can't let go of the idea that I could've been more perfect than all these people in the a relationship but because I got a bad start, I'm automatically the worst option.

I'm seen as the example not to be with well... me!

It's ridiculous...

I would like for it to be an option for a really pretty girl to be mine not because I look cool now or could to some people or have money or... all... else I could type...

BECAUSE I'M NOT FUNNY.

I'm serious...

I'm not a funny person so even that wouldn't work for me.

There are times I don't even know. Is it me, or me as an extension of God, is it just me? is it God? Because they don't like me..

Can some absolute goddess maybe multiple now that in my head i've been forced to have sex with ugly girls because something decided to make me ugly and realize what ugly is to now wanting everything to be beautiful because if not that no one will be happy.

I have the ick.

It's honesty.

Even if it's one person that out in the world truly does feel that way.

Now I don't want that to be enough.

Even if it's multiple, I don't want that to be enough wether "I want it make it happen." or "I don't want that, don't make it happen; but don't give me anything else either."

Because I am ugly.

Because I am ugly

I wonder if anyone could love me

-----------------------

I like to think good about myself and others.

Am i beautiful because I am real or am I more ugly because of it?

That I fucked up so bad that she knew what she didn't want

and found what she was looking for.

[this one was about me; this post is about GOD = https://www.iambyours.online/post/if-i-looked-a-certain-way]