If I'm the only thing that exist. I want things.

I like to believe God needs me even if I was just a human just like a ugly man or woman would want someone beautiful to pick them even if they had nothing to offer them at all.

Not beauty, not inner beauty. Not culture, not love, not sacrality... not a thing.

If I were God no one would believe me if I said I was God.

If I convinced someone God lived in us all, then there is a balance of denial unless somehow someone can say "Yes, I am not God but I know where ever we come from, it exist in me."

Do we kill God or let God live.

Do we fear God or do we... whatever people want to say the opposite is...

Why does evil have to be scary and why does good have to be good if too much love is considered a virtue that is felt of a sin.

I see you sometimes.

I love you sometimes.

I hate you a lot.

and–

I hope it works out for you... but that was for me... so not you but me.

because again...

I like to believe, I am the only thing that exist.

It makes me feel better about the path of life I've lived, the circumstances that I've been brought too because I didn't fully understand and what I've thought to love or thought to hate and the misunderstandings and evils and good things and what I can do to become more than I am even if this wording seems to be a broken fragment of what I can say the hopes to ascend to a different plain... far far far FAR away from everyone of you.

Even there... I would wish to save some for reasons of love and hatred in the understanding of increments through all history of what could and could've not happened to make sure the suffering is not only extinguished but external as well–to nought I sough to not distort. The idea of what you believe is the belief that there is a start and so your belief is linked to my idea and with this idea I will become more wether I live or die.

Because I am angry.

To be something.

To be nothing.

To be happy.

Sadness.

Feel nothing.

If there is a spirit of God and it lives in me and if there was no spirit in me, and nothing existed except the idea that we are but neandertthals in the scheme of what we eat sleep and shit, I would prove it.

That's why.

And if it wasn't me, I would hope something that wasn't me would equally want to kill whatever it is they are to what they are to what they are to what they are so that something could change.

Something.

God... if real which I am...

Does not smile because it is happy.

It smiles because it hates itself and want to love itself.

The difficulty of existing as everyday we struggle in little ways we don't notice because of being accustomed to the life we think to know.

If there was better, do we seize it. Even if there was no magic. Do we try to make something happen? Do we find it in science to make something more of ourselves.. or–

Do we look within for every moment is this science.

If you knew how I wanted to feel all the time.

You would never stop crying with a smile on your face that people would only be able to interprett that I were having a good time when really... I want this world to end. I want a fair chance and I wasn't given that.

I am here and once whatever occurs, I hope to make this the way I would be happy and everyone had a serious chance for happiness... but happiness... cannot be found here no matter how happy one may seem.

So don't kill yourself.

Don't live.

Don't move.

I'll hurt you.

Virtue.

Spoken wether a God or a Devil or no Devil and just God being Evil towards him/herself–OR TO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE TO HAVE THIS MAKE SENSE TO YOU... because I know. I know and somedays I wake up feeling I don't know because I want to help people and I hate it... because I have been human before. I...

If...

If... there is a devil then we were shown it was ourselves.

If there is no longer a devil then we know God is healing.

If it is only me here or if that is how you feel about yourself.

Please make it better.

Please try. Not for the sake of anyone else but for you.

EVEN IF YOU HATE YOURSELF. EVEN IF YOU HATE EVERYONE ELSE.

EVEN IF ITS DIFFICULT AND EVEN IF SOMEDAYS YOU CAN'T FIND IT IN YOURSELF TO MOVE.

Because some people have gone through hell and maybe more hell than others but if you've been there you know what it's like to have something ripped away from with the feeling of a predestined fate you had no control over but still throughout the journey as if you did have a chance... like you did have a choice.

Spirits... the soul... dust... return to earth... where does it actually go if I hated you all. How would I replenish it all if I wanted to kill something like energy where some say it doesn't die but I want it to die.

A warning? A venting.

Importance... Importance of knowing something about yourself.

Are you death, doom? Do you want to be? Do you want to be love or hatred? Calmness, or excitement? Find it in yourself to how you would fit in my new world then keep it to yourself unless I ask you because I am something as well. What I am is what I am. That moment. That moment, and that moment. The moments within and out that make you and by you I mean me, that has me to believe...

I can do something with my life, more than what this world or the world I see in my mind or imagination or extent of what God or influence of this place has shown me...

I can do more.

I will do more regardless of what movements I make after this...

I'm watching myself and you and doing my best because I hate this place.