Outside you feel calm, inside you hate it, if in the city, it's different–

I get sad, sometimes, I know this might sound crazy... sometimes, I get mad.

I like how the outside feels.

It's too cold inside.

I would rather be outside than inside because the air is fresher in the woods, If I lived in the city I might hate it, if I hate where I am or who I am with I can only think of running away.

I want to do work indoor to potentially figure out how to stay outside more.

I want to not constantly be inside hoping that I won't be locked in my basement all my life.

I don't want to touch grass.

I asked to touch the grass in rome and because I something pissed me off that even though I would like to see it, I want rome to essentially not exist anymore.

Anything else, something creative, let me paint, or make music but of course I learn differently so just using a paint brush or learning music at the age of 28 isn't going to make me feel good when I've wasted this much time and I see kids painting the freaking mona lisa and playing return of the bumblebee three by Beethoven and friends.

It doesn't make me feel good, it makes me want to give up and start a massacre.

Don't act like you don't think the same and didn't put yourself further into your work to avoid that vary thought you and many seek to avoid.

I used to buy weed specifically just to step outside a moment because I didn't just want to step outside of a house I didn't want to be in just to walk back in moments later.

At least I was high then...

I hate the yard and being where I don't want to be nor feel as welcomed as being's would have me to want to believe.

I want to work, I want to keep working, both area's indoors and outside but I do not want to be here anymore–I want to be somewhere else, even if it is a cookie cutter house.

I want to be able to yell if I want and goon in front of the TV like carl from aqua teen hunger force.

I would like to have my own rooms to do art and not feel I have to sneak into the kitchen to get food or have to worry about finding hair in my food that isn't mine.

I can't grow here.

When you are uncomfortable with where you are,

You can't properly become who you want to be... this is why people become "useless."

As I was and sometimes can feel but I like to try I suppose...

If you don't like leaving your room,

If you don't feel you can say anything to the people in the household.

You are not able to evolve properly. Nature and nurture both fail you to what you don't know because it is not fair to take a tiger and put it in a cage when it holds heaven together by eating monkey's and sitting in the grass viewing over the sacred lakes.

I don't want to cook, I don't want them to give me suggestion on how to do it or how good or bad I'm doing it.

I don't want to worry about someone asking me about laundry.

I want to make the mistake of putting a pink sock into a bunch of white clothing and learning how to do that on my own without having someone make me feel lesser | because they decided not to teach me when younger | because some people don't know how to love properly.

I want clean my area's and pay attention to more of myself, I want to hold my stances and love the way I move everyday as an expression that today, I am alive...

How can I possibly do that, when I am a tiger in the middle of the ocean?

If I can't figure these things out, I can't be a proper person for instance... how am I supposed to find freedom where freedom is for a bird or a fish.

How do I find freedom if I am not allowed in my own mind to reach out to myself and say–

–cooking would be fun!

I would love to try that!

Even, why not? I'll try.

Mess around, make something amazing.

Because I was thought the stove was hot.

It is not engraved in these people's minds that I am stupid and can't use a stove without burning myself.

I cook when no one is watching and I make delicious things.

There are times I believe starting to do these things earlier even a small stove electric or a mini-fridge, something unnecessary that could be a necessity would help increase my maturity.

I always wanted something more, I wanted a wife and to learn to care for her,

I also wanted...

I wanted things.

I don't want much now.

I do hope that someone is inspired by this however and is able to work on themselves little by little even if they have to hide the way they improve themselves.

I want to learn even if I burn myself on the stove.

ALSO, DIFFERENT ENVORNMENTS.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oWtQLRN_Zc

NYC city scape ambience: EXa

It will and all noises like this can be training before you decide you want to visit a place or live there, even how the voices interact or how you can talk to GOD better or worse.