Paranoid bipolar schizophrenic.

Because they couldn't understand and I wasn't able to explain.

Because doctors know everything and we know nothing.

I am never going to be seen as a functioning person.

If I yell because I am excited I am crazy.

If I do something out the normal it's because I was going to kill or rape.

If I do something in general... I am looked at because I am not a person.

I am a paranoid bipolar schizophrenic.

I am less than a human.

----------------------------------------------------

Maybe one day you'll be more than I ever was even with those same similar labels.

Even things like ADD or ADHD, or autism, even the distant related down-syndrome.

I no longer see people as people because of how people have treated me as lesser than a person.

I will always wish better for my younger-self that someone would've cared to be caring.

I want it that no one try to comprehend me anymore for it seems as much as someone can understand a person or a concept or god or whatever you want to put in this blank–

–it is uncomprehendable to the fullest.

I'll say everything I can... but just know...

My permanent record of existing to redemption is always invalid...

even if it's just to me and in my own head.

That injection did not just tranquilize me.

You took something away from me.

I felt my heart stop.

You want to act like thats okay.

The medication's made a dark void surround my heart, a feeling someone "Okay" wouldn't be able to grasp because I am not even able to explain... and orb around my heart as if dark clouds kept my entire body cloudy and depressed.

Almost like doctors aren't smart enough to know you're not supposed to take medications everyday if you want to get better.

Anti-depressant will make you dependent on the idea that.

Anti-depressant everyday will eventually make you depressed.

Forever.

As well anti-psychotics.

++++++++++++++++

YOU, do not be discouraged.

You have a chance.

I have no choice, because no matter how much of a devil I seem,

I want you to be free.

In and out of psych-wards because I missed my chance when younger to live my life because I thought love was the idea of being molested though I didn't know.

I missed out on a lot.

I missed out on every chance to talk to her.

I missed out on friends.

I missed out on myself.

I like to think I look back and keep caring about me without any interference.

The truth is, as what goes and moves forward–the thing... you know "the thing?" The thing that makes you want to try or just even pace around your room to keep alive when you can't seem to do anything else because your mind is that disturbed by medical malpractice and what you've been blamed incorrectly or even forced to endure or go through even hurt others...

It's not fair.

I want a new world.

Not to scare you reader...

I want... to never have to hide something if it was something bad that happened.

It can't just be good vibes.

It isn't just an accident.

Talk about how frequencies work and how you have a diserning spirit,

even other things of how you can describe what happened and guess what... you're crazy...

Somehow I see everyone else on tiktok talking about the same exact things in a different way

and they are not sent, they are...

Well...

There is a lot to say...

Just know if I say it... I'm a paranoid bipolar schizophrenic...

You however... you are just a person...

Live.

Overcome yourself...