Even if i'm the only one crying, at least someone's crying

I sometimes think about what would be like to do a bunch of interviews and crying in front of everyone because of not being able to get the message I wanted out to the people.

Imagine feeling you're the only person that feels the way you do then you get there hoping you'll have one of the interviewers to understand you on your level wherever that is and they have to seem all professional or not know how to handle the situation, even just letting me sit there crying because all I can do is cry, no one understands and no one is understanding me.

I am understanding the extent of urgency I want to say something but I am not fully expressing it.

Do I take my time or try to spew it out, and if I spew it out does it sound better than if I miss the moment taking my time?

I sometimes think about the things I care about.

If I'm the only person crying about them or it, myself, my dreams–then I care.

No one else might care but something through me or even me or the universe, I believe in something wether it is evil or good or evil because I wanted to be good even if it was lack or nurture that leads me to artificial nature... did I explain that bad enough that someone might pick up on some sort of organized thought?

I'm not doing interviews, and if I was I would probably hate it.

I think about becoming famous not so I can help myself but so I can hurry and help others so I can get on out of here.

Though, that even; stifles me to not enjoy the same thing I'm crying about.

It is not free.

I am not free.

I am not free because I cannot accept it's not freedom.

I do not want to accept I can be happy in it's not freedom while it is bound because of itself... what I don't know what to say, an added whatever and some color that would make you feel like you can't believe anymore but you'll keep moving anyways if I worded that properly.

I don't want to enjoy it if everyone doesn't know and if everyone knows then the people I feel I want to hear "sorry" from enjoy what I'm enjoying and that isn't fair to me.

It isn't hard for me to be the bigger person but give enough or yourself and all anyone does is take bites out of you and sorry isn't even something people think about when looking at you.

I want to believe if I was crying someone wouldn't say to me to stop crying or why am I crying but they would know and some how reach a moment they could tell me it was okay instead of the dreading feeling of being comforted for something that may or may not be okay.

I'm about to die, go to jail or the high is hitting me weird and I can't even feel you're a real "person".

Do I want a real person or do I want an actual deity to shine through and tell me they were there and not the person because I don't want to trust people?

Words, words, words, words.

If I am crying in my room.

I am heard by myself.

I can at least acknowledge,

I am crying about something that is important to me even if no one else gets it.